Punched in the Gut #1: Because of his obesity, Darren collapses while rescuing Dr. Bakari from a burning clinic.
Curiosity: The 10-Second Tanzanian Trick that burns fat while you sleep.
Paradoxical question: Why is that when you’re young, you can stay slim easily, but as you age it gets harder and harder?
Shock: Did you know that ‘Living Dead’ Zombies are attacking you from the inside, destroying your metabolism and making you fat?

2. Introduction

All leads will connect to the main VSL at this point. The structure will be:

Introduce the Hero: “Hi, my name is Darren Steele, a 45-year-old New York firefighter from The Bronx
Brief Background Story: Darren met Lily when they were both called to the Twin Towers as first responders on 9/11. They both managed to escape the collapsing North Tower, but lost many colleagues in the disaster. After bonding over this incident, they married and raised a happy family in The Bronx. But as the years pass, both find themselves piling on the pounds and becoming obese. Lily goes from being slim and attractive to being morbidly obese. Darren tries to help, but nothing works and Lily spirals downwards into despair.
Call out the Problem: Make sure prospects know they are in the right place to fix this specific issue.
Promise a Solution: “In the next few minutes, I’ll share the 10-second Tanzanian trick that targets the real, root cause of weight gain, ends the pain and achieves the desired outcome. It has nothing to do with familiar solutions that don’t work. You will see proof that this is new and that it really works.
Away from Pain: Fascinations that detail how this solution takes away all the pain, focusing on dominant negative emotions such as shame.
Towards Benefits: Fascinations that detail how the solution restores optimal health, focusing on dominant positive emotions about desires.
Dimensionalize Desired Outcomes: Dimensionalize on what this means for how the prospect feels.
Include Prospects: “This will work for you if you are any age or gender, even if you’ve failed at losing weight many times before.”
Watch Now: The $80 billion weight loss industry wants you to stay obese so you keep buying their products. These dark forces are trying to get this video taken down. You must watch it to the end right now.
Tease the Emotional Discovery Story: If even a medical professional like Lily can’t lose weight, there must be something wrong (add intrigue and emotion.)
Personal Connection to the Problem: Going deeper into the back story, explaining how Darren and Lily survived the horror of 9/11, only to encounter other problems. The older they get, the more they struggle with weight gain. They hero had the same struggles as the prospect, the misery of their ‘Lived-in Experiences,’ etc. How this made them feel.
Tried All the Usual Solutions: Doctors and everyone else let him down. Wasted time and money, but the problem only got worse. Studies show these solutions can actually be bad for you (drawing on clinical evidence references here)
Check In With the Prospect: “Maybe you, too, can relate? Do you feel that you’re destined to be fat forever, no matter how hard you try?”
Danger: But you can’t afford to just ignore the problem or serious consequences may occur. “If you’re overweight, you’re 60% more likely to have a heart attack or stroke, 80% more likely to have a coronary or heart disease, and 22% more likely to get Alzheimer’s memory loss.”
Hint at the Solution: Great news! Darren stumbled across a 10-second Tanzanian trick that changes everything (5-second ritual, etc.)
What it’s NOT: “Not a diet plan or anything unpleasant. Turns everything you think you know about this upside down. ‘They’ have been lying to you, so it’s not your fault.”
What it IS: a solution that targets the root cause of weight gain. One that will work for you, even if you’ve tried every weight-loss solution available. This new ‘trick’ has already helped 109,578 people, especially those aged over 35.
Before & After: The immediate impact of using the 10-second Tanzanian trick.’ “Lily went from this…to this.”
Tease the Unique Mechanism: underline the contrarian nature of the mechanism (this flies in the face of what you’ve been told before). You will learn the answer to the riddle: “You don’t have to work out for hours every week. On the contrary, this method actually works while you sleep, causing you to wake up slimmer and healthier.”
Address Skepticism: Reassure viewers that this is the real thing, with proof coming up.
Testimonials: Several testimonials that show how amazing this solution is. One should mention the importance of watching the video to the end.
Open Loops: Hint at what’s coming up to keep viewers engaged.
Self Test: Consider a simple self-test the prospect can do to prove they have this problem. “If you have trouble falling asleep, or wake up feeling groggy and still tired, then you probably have this problem, too.”

3. Inciting Incident

Our hero decides the only way out is to take the initiative. This section may unfold like this:

Pressure Builds: Younger, slimmer paramedics are making rude comments about Lily’s weight. Darren’s beer belly causes him to struggle with his physically demanding job.
Trigger Point: Darren collapses while trying to save someone from a burning laboratory.
The Choice: The hero’s decision here will echo the prospect’s decision later during the Crossroads Close. “Lily and I were both going through hell. So I took action to fix this – and you can too.”
Give Up? The hero can either give up and accept all the misery that will follow, or take action to achieve all the desired benefits. As a firefighter, he is used to tackling tough situations head on. So he approaches the obesity problem in the same way.

4. Dead Ends

In search of a solution, Darren goes down many dead ends that viewers will empathize with:

Frustration: The hero runs into roadblocks and is frustrated in his mission.
Echo: This section echoes the frustration the prospect has felt in trying alternative solutions.
Enemies: Big Pharma and the $80 billion weight-loss industy are conspiring to keep the true solution hidden.
Obstacles: The hero has to overcome obstacles to move forward, making the audience root for him. Finding the solution is not easy and requires hard work and dedication.
Discount Alternatives: Our primary goal in this section is to show that all other solutions are unworkable or ineffective.

5. Science & Mechanism

After extensive efforts, the hero discovers the real root cause of the problem, and this changes everything. This section may include:

The Guru: Darren is assisted by Bakari, whom he rescued from the burning laboratory. Bakari explains that he has been researching the real root cause of the problem, which is…
Unique Mechanism Behind the Problem: It’s not what you think, it’s this: As you age, overnight autophagy declines (creating zombie cells) and your fat-burning window gets shorter. This ‘double hit’ causes Nocturnal Fat Accretion
Unique Mechanism Behind the Solution: The solution is to raise spermidine/spermine levels to improve autophagy and also stabilize blood sugar levels to increase the fat-burning window. This results in Nocturnal Fat Depletion.
Proof: This section is backed by credibility and proof elements (proof sandwich), including citations and scientific sources.
Numbers: Where possible, the proof will include hard numbers such as percentage improvements, etc.
Benefits: Each element of proof is then translated into easy-to-understand benefits. These benefits are then dimensionalized.
Make the Science Easy to Understand: Name the mechanisms and use metaphors or analogies to explain clearly. “Technically, this is called a [complicated explanation], but all you need to know is….” We will use technical-sounding words like ‘Nocturnal Fat Accretion,’ but the big promise is: Lose weight while you sleep.

6. Prototype

After figuring out what is needed, Darren proceeds to test out the concept:

Creating the Solution: Barkari explains that back home in Tanzania, his tribe (the Chagga people) never struggle with weight loss, thanks to a special recipe they use. With the help of Barkari, Darren creates an improvised prototype that recreates the recipe.
Ingredient Selection: The ingredients are carefully selected and combined in the precise ratios needed for optimal results. Neuridine is chosen to tackle the ‘zombie cell’ problem, while Sukre naturally widens the fat-burning window.
Challenges: The ingredients are hard to source, exact ratios required, etc. This demonstrates that the hero had to put in much work the prospect would find hard to replicate. Neuridine and Sukre are especially difficult as there is only supplier for these.
Practical Results: The prototype product solves the problem, with both Liy and Darren losing weight fast and effortlessly.
Emotional Results: As a result, they experience a positive transformation and feels fantastic (but not too quickly – 1 bottle of our product is not enough!)

7. Beta Testers

More proof is needed to show that this really works.

The Decision to Share: The news gets out, and others ask to try this wonderful creation. Darren and Lily decide they must help others, so they share the solution with their firefighter and paramedic friends.
Proof of Concept: The beta testers achieve outstanding results regardless of age, demographics, etc.
Testimonials: Even skeptical beta testers happily share their success stories. These testimonials also address multiple objections.

8. Product Creation

Finally, our hero is ready to create the product the world so desperately needs.

Growing Demand: As word gets out, more and more people ask to try this fantastic innovation. But Darren only has a limited supply.
The Decision to Create Product: He decides the only way to help more people is to turn his creation into a commercially-available product.
Desire to Help: He is not motivated by profit. He just wants more people to experience the same wonderful transformation.
Partners: Barkari brings in the right people to help create the product. These may include supplement formulators, and a suitable manufacturing facility.
Improvements: These experts suggest ways to improve the product to make it even more effective by adding extra ingredients.
Delivery Format: Reason why the capsule format is better, discounting alternatives as undesirable.
Challenges: Achieving all of this is difficult, but with perseverance, the product is finally ready!

9. Product Reveal

Our hero is finally able to make his wonderful product available to those who need it most.

Announcing: Reveal SlumberSlim with a big splash.
Product Details: A reminder of the ingredients and why they are included. They are pure, high-grade, premium, natural, expertly blended, etc.
Manufacturing: Made in the USA in an FDA-approved, GMP-certified facility, subject to 3rd-party inspections, etc. It uses state-of-the-art precision-engineered machinery under the strictest and most sterile standards.
For Anyone: Contains no allergens and is plant-based, soy-free, dairy-free gluten-free, non-GMO, and vegetarian.
Consumption: It has no caffeine, toxins, or stimulants at all, so it’s not tolerance or habit-forming. There are no side effects and it tastes delicious.
Tie Back to the Mechanism: How all this fixes Nocturnal Fat Accretion and achieves Nocturnal Fat Depletion instead.
Other Benefits: SlumberSlim also offers a host of other benefits that support long life and optimal health.
Discuss and Dismiss Alternatives: show that they are expensive, ineffective, have side effects, are poor quality, and are unproven.
How to Use the SlumberSlim: Emphasizing how easy it is to use and connecting this to the ‘quick & easy hack.’
Recap all the ingredients: the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
Away from Pain: Now we show how SlumberSlim will transform the prospect’s life, and take away all the pain.
Towards Benefits: Then we explore how SlumberSlim burns fat while you sleep, focusing on dominant positive emotions about desires to be slim, attractive, and healthy.
Dimensionalize Desired Outcomes: Next we dimensionalize what this means for how the prospect feels (Imagine how wonderful it will be to finally shed those unwanted pounds…)
Glowing Reviews: No wonder SlumberSlim has been so well received.

10. Price Justification & Reveal

We need to make the price seem like a bargain investment for the benefits received.

Anchor the Price: Compare to the cost of surgery, expensive treatments, and the potential cost of doing nothing (high medical bills, etc.)
Darren’s investment: he spent tens of thousands creating the product.
Justification: We could charge a high price because of high-quality ingredients, especially the proprietary Neuridine and Sukre
Ladder Down: Scale down towards the actual pricing (but without mentioning specific pricing for our product).
Justify Price Discounting: We cut out the middlemen to sell to you directly, thus saving you money.
Altruism: “Plus for me, it’s not about money. It’s about doing the right thing.”
Price Reveal: “Look below to see our discount pricing. If you’re on mobile, you might need to scroll down to see all the packages.”
Emotional Call to Action: Why viewers owe it to themselves to buy now; why they deserve to invest in a better future for themselves. It’s finally their turn to feel great.
What Happens: Explaining what happens when they click the button.

11. Smart People Buy More

We need to push people to buy multiple bottles, ideally choosing the 6-bottle option.

Get Better Results: We found that people who buy 3-6 bottles get better results, as this gives the formulation more time to work.
Maximize the Benefits: These peak around the 90-180 day mark, so the more you buy the better.
Daily Routine: Take it every day, as you do with supplements like multivitamins
Extra Discounts: We’re offering bigger discounts on these packages to give you the best chance of success.
Bonuses: When you buy 3 or 6 bottles, you also get these 2 great bonuses (use bonuses to overcome objections & create curiosity).
Free shipping: On 6-bottle orders, you also get [free shipping].
Recap the Stack: Summarize everything they get and add up the total value.
Most Popular: “That’s why 96% of people make the smart choice and order 6 bottles.”

12. How to Order

We need people to feel comfortable with the ordering experience, understanding exactly what to do next.

Click Below: Check the low pricing below and choose the package that’s right for you.
Priority shipping: We’ll work on your order right away and ship it to you asap.
Secure Checkout: Same tech as used by Amazon and Apple.
One-Time Fee: No recurring billing, auto shipping, or subscriptions,
The Experience: You’ll love opening your package and starting your journey to better health.
How to Take It: Just pop one capsule in your mouth per day and start feeling it working to improve your health, naturally flooding you with feel-good hormones.
You Deserve It: It’s time to put yourself first for once. It’s your turn.
Initial CTA: Check the pricing below and choose the package that’s right for you.

13. Guarantee

Here we will reverse the risk to make purchasing a no-brainer decision.

Guarantee: You’ll most likely have a great experience, but if for any reason you don’t, you are protected.
No risk: No-quibble refund, even if you’ve used up all your bottles.
Hero’s Promise: “If you don’t experience a powerful surge of new energy and excitement flowing through your veins, and if you don’t get out of bed with a new vigor for life each and every morning, I don’t want your money.:
Customer Care Team: We are a real company you can trust, and our customer service people are always on hand to help.
Just Try It: I’m not asking for a ‘yes,’ just a ‘maybe.’ Take it for a test run.

14. Scarcity

We must pull all the scarcity levers we can to get people across the line.

Only Available Here: you can’t buy this on Amazon, in Walmart, or anywhere else.
Risk of Stockout: Demand is high, supplies are limited, and out-of-stock situations are common. SlumberSlim is going viral, so sales are skyrocketing.
Sourcing Issues: Our ingredients are hard to source because we only use high-quality ingredients which are often in short supply. It can take 6 months to prepare a batch.
Don’t Risk Missing Out: How would you feel if you let all these benefits slip through your fingers?
Logical CTA: There’s no risk and the urgency is real, so do the sensible thing and order now while you still can.

15. Crossroads Close

Here we will discount doing nothing as a viable option.

Time to Choose: You can go on suffering, or try and do it yourself. Or you can take action today and change your life forever.
Consequences of Inaction: every day you delay causes irreversible health damage
Crossroads Call to Action: Nothing else you have tried has worked, so it’s time to discover the real solution. Then you, too, can get results like…(followed by testimonials).
Divine Intervention: “I don’t know what brought you to this page, but maybe it’s no accident that you’re here…”
Testimonials: emphasizing the benefits of choosing the 6-bottle option.

16. Urgency

Now we need to push hard on all the urgency buttons:

Urgency Reminder: ingredients are scarce, our supply is limited, and big pharma is trying to get this page taken down.
Right Here, Right Now: The only way to be sure if to order here today.
Reserved: I’ve asked the team to put 6 bottles aside for you, but we can only hold them for 15 minutes.
Urgency CTA: Don’t let someone else steal your (reserved) bottles.

17. End

The Final wrap-up and one more push to purchase.

You Have No Alternative: This is the only way to get what you want
Alternate negative future: “It scares me to think how bad my life would be if I hadn’t fixed this. How will you feel watching other buyers [look fantastic]?”
Ready to Help: My team and I will be waiting on the other side of this page to take care of everything
Follow Up: After you’ve ordered, you won’t be alone. I’ll stay in touch with you every single day via email. And I’ll make sure you get all the information, motivation, and support you need to succeed. But that can only happen after you take the first step. Move your mouse or scroll down with your phone. And click the button below.
No Risk: You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. The only way to lose is NOT to buy.
Final summary and CTA: Emphasize the 6-bottle option, urgency, and guarantee – just say ‘maybe’ as 96% of our customers do.
Selling Fast: I have to wrap up now because the product is selling so fast, I’m needed in the warehouse.
Last Chance: This is the end of the presentation and there’s no guarantee of how long the offer will be available.
Try Again Later: Sometimes this page crashes because of heavy demand. If that happens try again later. You might get lucky.
You Want This: I know really want all of this. Because that’s why you’re still here, right?
Take Action: I can’t make it any easier, but you have to be the one who clicks the buttons

18. FAQs

In the FAQ section, we will deal with objections, and remind people of the benefits, USP, and guarantee. The questions should cover:

Is SlumberSlim right for me?
How does SlumberSlim work?
What’s inside SlumberSlim?
Is SlumberSlim safe?
What if SlumberSlim doesn’t work for me?
How many bottles should I order?
What is the best way to take SlumberSlim?
Is this a one-time payment?
How quickly will my SlumberSlim arrive?
What do I do now?

19. Copy Review Checklist

In reviewing the copy, we need to check we have covered all of the following as far as is reasonably possible.

Pain Points & Benefits: Does the copy use accurate pain points and benefits from the brief?
Dimensionalization: Are these dimensionalized using vivid, specific, and emotional language?
Is the writing tight and concise? Can any unnecessary copy be excised?
Structure: Are words and sentences mostly short and easy to read?
Language: Can any complicated, technical, weak, or vague language be removed?
Reading Level: Is the copy mostly at or below a Grade 4 reading level?
Relating: Does the hero check in with the reader to keep them engaged, especially in the background story?
Style: Does the copy use conversational inflections, contractions, and bucket brigades to keep things flowing smoothly?
Differentiation: Are the ingredients, mechanism, and product differentiated enough to make them stand out?
Proof: Are the proof elements specific and tangible?
Leads: Are the first 50-100 words as strong as possible?
Comprehensiveness: Are all the elements from the outline included (where appropriate)?
Claims: Are benefit claims supported by credibility and proof, then dimensionalized?
Characterization: Is the characterization of the solution consistent throughout?
Congruency: Are there any incongruencies that need to be ironed out?
Word choices: Does the copy use Anglo Saxon rather than Latin words?
Sentences: Are these mostly short?
Readability; Has the copy been checked with Grammarly & Hemingway?

20. Summary

If we write VSLs that cover most of the above in an appropriate way, we should be able to deliver high conversions.

If you have any suggestions for improvements, please let me know. All ideas are welcome!

Rob

Ideas for Possible Extra Elements

Metaphors
Rhyming hook: “taking magnesium each day, keeps insomnia at bay.”
‘Proof’ from the Bible